Bride price Guide for Fellow Sisters 教姐妹们如何要彩礼 英文版
今天在看到有人发了个《男性觉醒知识库》觉得太荒唐了。然后就看到评论区有人贴了个《教姐妹们如何要彩礼》更无语。。出处未知，作者未知。请选择性食用。本文使用 DeepL 翻译，有小修订。
Disclaimer: This is a DeepL translated feminist piece with minor modifications, the origin & authenticity is unknown, I stand neutral to this article
Bride price Guide for Fellow Sisters 教姐妹们如何要彩礼
The proletarian mentor Friedrich Engels said in Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State:
Pairing family, also known as monogamous marriage, originates from private ownership. It is characterized by the male subjugation of the female in gender relations, the disappearance of the female from public life and her forced return to the family, as well as by the denial of sexual freedom.
Feminist theory holds that "marriage is essentially a form of male exploitation of women, an oppression of the powerful by the vulnerable." Combined with our extensive practice in real life, it is easy to see that many women are deprived of their birth rights, education rights, employment rights, etc. for various reasons. But those with vested interests are never satisfied and are further infringing on the rights of their sisters. Since there is too much content, I will not expand here, but only briefly discuss how sisters can protect their rights in marriage.
When sisters get married, they always encounter confusion: How do you want the bride price? How can I make my husband's family pay attention to it and not be a sufferer in the past? How to buy gold jewelry? How to get added to the ownership of the house, etc. all kinds of problems plagued the sisters to be married, today the author through this article one-stop solution to the sisters on the wedding trouble.
Glossory:
bride price 彩礼mama's boy 妈宝男ugly duckling 凤凰男
I. Choosing a partner
Marriage is a big deal, is the second birth of our women, so how to choose a reliable marriage object is the key to the key.
On the marriage, especially marriage to remote places, I have heard a very apt phrase: "If the male makes you mad at noon, and your father's can't slap him in the face overnight, then you have married too far." Sisters can tend to this principle when choosing a marriage partner.
The following details about how to choose a marriage partner.
(A) the classification of men
Contemporary Chinese men are generally of worst quality. Lazy, shy, greasy, obscene, no taste of life, no aesthetics, no formality, and even w many are Mama's Boy. Therefore, sisters must be extra cautious when looking for a marriage partner, you may want to date several at the same time, the best of the best, after all, in nature only the strongest males are qualified to mate and reproduce. The most important thing is to find a quality genetic provider for your children, even for the sake of the next generation. In this case, I will divide men into three categories: Quality Male, Ugly Duckling and Ordinary Men.
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Quality Male: refers to the height of 180cm-185cm, business parents or working in the government plus physically healthy and with a good pension; at least two loan-free property registered in Tier-I cities (Beijing, Shanghai, GuangZhou, Shenzhen), liquidity of no less than 3 million RMB, annual income not less than 50,000 RMB, a master's degree or above men.
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Ugly Duckling: a man who meets any four of the requirements for a "Quality Male".
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Ordinary Men: a man who meets any two of the requirements of a "Quality Male".
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Creatures: Not recommended. Don't bother to contact anyone below the standard of the Ordinary Men
(B) Mate Selection Strategy
THe Quality Male are one-in-a-million chance. Grab it while you can and never let go. If you are losing it, get pregnant and make him a daddy. The sooner you gets this the better, the winner takes all.
For Ugly Ducklings, dating two or more at the same time, choice the best. Prioritize a handsome tall one, after all, the good looking bores your less in future days.
For Ordinary Men, you can consider use a "spare tire", "male BFF" strategy, just in case you meet a Ugly Duckling or a Quality Male is a jerk, then at least a guaranteed option, this type of man is best limited at 3-5, too many too busy. Give them an above-friendship but not-yet-lovers state, do not let them easily get you.
Pay special attention: Be wary of Mama's Boy! Be wary of Mama's Boy! Be wary of Mama's Boy!. Because Mama's Boy's money = his mom's money ≠ your money, if you meet Mama's Boy, even if he is Quality Male, don't engage. In order to identify Mama's Boy, trust your sixth sense, when you assume a man is a Mama's Boy, then he must be.
II. Marriage Preparation
(A) Tame men
Warning: the following strategies do not apply to Quality Male, Quality Male are OK as long as they are not Mama's Boy, not alcoholic, no gambling, no domestic violence, no prostitution, everything else is acceptable.
Please sisters remember the phrase: "Never marry a man who do not kneel down to wash the feet". In the dating stage, no matter what our own character is, we have to make a cool and poker face. This will give the man to form a psychological expectation that he needs to pay desperately more to cater to your approval. But you can not be too cool, give back little sweetness to warm his confidence, make him feel that you are unreachable, to maintain a status of near-approchable.
Tactic one: for example, he invited you to dinner, buy him a milk tea in return; he invited you to an amusement park or bar, you can send him a keychain, plush toys and other small gifts.
Second tactic: deliberately throw some tantrum but not too excessive, make him argue, and then you pretend to be angry, blacklist his contact, wait for him to apologize & ask forgiveness
Third tactic: occasionally care about his parents, let him think you tender and considerate, and then take him to see your parents (he can not go empty-handed), giving him a feeling that you have taken him as family.
In conclusion: men are a very naive creature, they are easily touched by your small guestures, to imaging you are the true love. So you have to learn to play small to game big, giving a little to increase the man to your niceness. Taming men should be like taming dogs, to be rigid and soft, only then they can be controlled to the direction you want. But remember not to over doing it, that will swing men away, unless you really wanted to, or want to force him to do something silly. Don't believe the honesty, too much pressure will only make the crack. Of course, you can not be too soft, then you will lose.
(B) Manipulate the man
After you have tamed the man, basically the man has been obedient to you. This is the time you have to decisively seize his salary card, bank card, the reason is afraid that he would waste money, you have to plan for the future life. This time the man will feel that you are right, and will think that you are really thinking about your future.
After the economy grab, you'd gave him some weekly allowances. Give more if you are happy, less if not. But do not spent all the money as this belongs to the premarital property, you are at most considered the keeper. Refrain to spend after marriage.
You can take the money to invest at funds or something, he will be too shy to ask for the profits, instead he will praise your housekeeping skills.
Tighten the economic control gradually, and crack down his private savings. For example, if for three months in a row you give him 1000 yuan pocket money he does not complain, he even gifts you sometimes, then it is recommended to drop to 800 yuan in the begining of the fourth month. Maintain a level just enough for his spendings. After all, the more he spends, the less you get.
If he questions this behavior, you will show him the financial gains to shut him up, if necessary, you can send friends or friends in common to pressure him, of course, do not forget to let your BFF to play: "My boyfriend only need 500 yuan a month pocket money, you got 800 that's really quite a lot."
After mastering the man's economic lifeline, you have to occasionally spend your money, note that it is your money not his, buy his parents some gifts. This generation of men's parents are very easy to handle, they are still very simple-minded, or the kind of "male dominant business female dominant family" or "a good daughter-in-law to prosper three generations" of mental. Give them an image of you as a "good daughter-in-law" and let them put pressure the man so you can get married soon.
III. Marriage Negotiations
Once you start preparing for marriage, then you will inevitably avoid talking about the bride price, dowry and other issues. Because of your previous operation to please his parents, at this time, just ask for the bride price. The groom's parents will be generous, they are in a hurry for the wedding.
First of all, the gold, in some places "five golds" are needed to get married, some places for "three golds", but no matter what, the advice is don't over do it. Because this thing is not worn every day, and will lose value if sold, it is too much of a loss, a better alternativeis focusing on bride price and property.
The amount of bride price varies, in principle, not less than 200,000 RMB. Real-estate co-ownership is naturally required, we will skip the details, but here we talk about the dialog tactics whenever applicable:
1. The Attitude Card
The fact is the amount of bride price doesn't matter, it's an attitude issue, it shows the importance out of the groom's mind. In case of bargining from the groom, bring out your BFF, pretend that she asked for X amount of bride price, gave birth to two sons to the groom's family, and is now living happily. Just make it up because they won't look it up.
Note: If your groom is taking it serisoly, say that if you want the attitude, you'd rather donate the money to charity in your name, so that you can prove the itention, it would be meaningful. If he still doesn't want to give the bride price, staying away from such a stingy brain bad man is recommended
2. The Tradition Card
You insist on claiming that the bride price is just a custom in your hometown, your whole family is very traditional, so if you don't want it, your parents will lose face. And where you from the price is not negotiable. This method can be used in combination with the "attitude card" for better yields. Finally, it boils down to the question: "Do you really love me?" The "Are you trying to fake a marriage on me?" is a soul-crushing question.
Note: If you are "open" in your private life, have richer dating experiences, with more sex experience, not that conservative, then don't use this method. For example, you often state something like "Does it matter to be a virgin? How is it a woman's duty to give birth to a child and take care of the household? The Qing Dynasty is long gone!" and such. Then give him the "tradition matters, it's always this way", then possibly the groom will clear his head take the high ground.
3. Compensation card
You insist that giving birth is for the man, the bride price is the compensation for the woman's suffering in childbirth, after all, pregnancy will seriously affect your career, you had the opportunity to become a multi-millionaire or even billionaire. Because of the child, a mother will have to settle for a monthly salary of 3,000 RMB. At the same time, your body is greatly affected by the birth of a child, there are postpartum conditions, so you must ask for compensation.
Note: To examine the IQ of a man, use this method selectively. Some men will be thankful for your dedication after hearing you say that having a child is not easy. Some other will have huge empathy for his mom and convert to Mama's Boy and be grateful and obedient to his mom. The worst case he will think: since you say the baby is for me, then we do not even need a marriage, you give me the baby, I give you the money and we are clear? Or he will discuss the price of surrogacy with you and think that we should replace the mother and keep the child. Sisters, believe me, such a man must not be married. If you marry, your day of divorce is counted.
Remember, if you divorce a man, you must claim custody of the child, because it is your child, and with the child you can ask him for alimony and succession rights!
4. Value card
This type of method is applicable to sisters who are outstanding in appearance and assets. "I'm so good, I'm not worth this much bride price?" "Do I really care that you have this little money?" You should express your disdain for this bride price with an attitude of deep apathy, as well as the posture of "marry me of fuck off". But do not forget, after the marriage your money is yours, his money are also yours, soft hearted to men means hard hearted to oneself. Li Xueqin also said: "Women should pity themselves, pity men brings bad luck for life." So never let easy on the male.
Note: If the other side is more blunt , such method is likely to fail.
5. The Binding card
This method is suitable for sisters who have been dating men for a long time. "I have been with you for so long, my youth is not worth this money?" "Do you love me or do you love money?" "You really love me or this money is all you can provide?" Bind the bride price to your time, youth, & heart, force the groom to obey. Men are very reflective creatures, they will always introspect their own problem, like am I a miser?, so when you use this method along with cold violence, such as crying while staring at him, do not speak, call his parents to tell them you might never be able to call them parents-in-law again, or directly tell him the wedding is canceled. Don't be afraid to use your feelings to blackmail him, because he can't find anyone better than you and your previous good moments together. The people around him would usually persuade over and over, and most likely his parents will start scolding him.
Note: Pay attention to cultivate his ability to introspect at soon as possible, do not let him to punder "my own youth is not worthy?" "Do I gave less than you?". This method is suitable for men who have been tamed for a long time.
6. The "Assurance" method
When the groom thinks the bride price is too high, you have to reason with him: "I don't need the bride price either, but I want some assurance", "I can't take care of my parents if I marry you, so I have to leave some money for my parents." "I'm very insecure, I'm afraid of being hurt in marriage, I just want a guarantee." "My family raised me for so many years, paid for my education, so what's wrong with asking for a dowry?" No matter what happens later, get the bride price first. After that, you can then talk about gender equality, even the one child must have to bear the responsibility of parental care. Men always admit this in general.
Note: If you have a well-off family background, this method would be a bit funny, it is recommended sisters married far away or sub-par family conditions use it wisely.
7. The Double Act
Double act method basically means good cop bad cop. Don't ask for anything, just prepare for marriage, Let your parents be the bad cop, ask the terms, use the first 6 methods, negotiate with the groom. When pressure amounts you just be the good cop to pull back a little. This is the best strategy, avoid direct conflict between you and the groom's family, on the other hand, can also make the man take your favor, you can speak up.
The most important thing to note: some men will think twice, they think that marriage is a matter of two families, you are just pretending to be innocent. So it's a good idea to always keep the image of a baby girl, with no calculating behind, the "baby doll" type of sister.
Please combine the tactics above when negotiating about the bride price for better effects. Some people may feel that the above methods are schemes, then I have to tell you, as the famous criminal psychology expert Professor Li Meijin once said: "The biggest payoff for women is pregnancy, and their womb is another kind of property. And then there is breastfeeding, the most precious food product from a mother. So in return, men must provide household, financial support to raise the family, this is the natural way, break this contract, there will be consequences......".
III. The wedding
There is nothing special about the wedding, just arrange it in your way, the man pays the bill. Remember that during the wedding day you must not test the man too much, or he will be too embarrassed. Although he paid the bride price, but his heart will be somewhat uncomfortable. Men are all about face, so they trade money for face, you just use swap his face for money.
Let him arrange the red envelope in advance, all in proper place, reception of bride's family should be slightly challenged, do not screw up the rest of wedding.
IV. The married life and divorce
As already said in the previous article, marriage is the second birth of women, we may not be born into a good family at the beginning, but can live a good life through a good marriage. A friend of the author once said to me that marriage itself is a transaction. We women can compromise certain false things in marriage, such as the last name, family, paternal rights and so on for exchanging true values. This matter weights less if you think about it less, so I suggest that the sisters do not care the surname, it's you gaving birth to your children, how can it not be yours? But these stuff can be used as a bargaining chip, do not let the husband get too easily.
According to China's judicial practice, generally speaking, divorce a year after marriage, the bride price is awarded 100% to the woman as joint property after the marriage or as a gift arising from the marriage. The dowry is characterized as the woman's pre-marital property. Therefore, even if you are not satisfied with your husband, you'd better stay on for more than one year.
According to our judicial practice, even if a woman cheats in marriage and has a child that is not her husband's own, the child is still to be raised by the man as a legitimate child.
Again according to our judicial practice, even if the man bought the house before marriage, under his full payment, but once added your co-ownership, then you are able to divide a certain percentage.
Still according to China's judicial practice, in certain areas, "cheating while married, the agreed property goes to the party with no fault" prenuptial agreement is recognized by the court.
So I suggest that sisters on a date must study the marriage law, consult a lawyer, sign a good prenuptial agreement. Whether the other party will cheat, best to believe that men are unable to withstand temptation. Without going into too much detail, there are many tactics, in order to the harmony of the family I can only stop here.
When divorce must pay attention to emphasize that the husband practice domestic violence, alcoholic, gambling and other vices. In daily life to pay attention to keep the evidence, make small problems big, and then force him to apologize, let him sign a desist letter. Don't underestimate these warranties, they are recognized by the court in case of a divorce.
In the case of domestic violence, it is important to remember that even if you havn't been abused, you should always take pictures of your casual injuries for other reasons as evidence of domestic violence. It is the other party's business to clarify and the lawyer's business to argue, so you are responsible for providing all kinds of evidence there can be.
The most important point is that you should try to find a female judge for your divorce case! Because only women judges will help women, only girls will help girls!
V. Conclusion
To believe in the state, believe in the law. The state can't wait for every man to get married, because men without a family is on the loose and destablize the society. Sisters must have confidence, don't be afraid of trouble, whether it is microblogging, socialnetworks, the court or the husband's work place, as long as you dare to fight, in most cases the other party will compromise.
Sisters, you must believe in your own power, protect yourself, and be an independent woman and excel. Cheers
