if you don't read

"Well sonny boy, if you don't read, you start eating marijuana. When you eat marijuana, you get hepatitis X. Hepatitis X is like Hepatitis B except 10X stronger. When you get Hepatitis X, your private parts fall off and you start developing a taste for the band Limb Bizkit. Your hairs starts growing frosted tips, your hat turns itself backwards and your shirt will say "obey." If you don't read, you turn into a douchey dude bro. And nobody likes a douchy dude bro.